The cold has settled in. It whips around the corners of the house, deftly finding the small cracks and openings and it seeps in, thin and potent, to creep along the wooden floor and grab hold of bare feet and bones. Last night, driving home in the cold, we saw tiny flecks of white in the headlights. So small they could barely be called snowflakes...looked more like bugs but surely all the bugs are frozen stiff or snug in their winter digs, whatever they may be.
This morning, reports of snow from all my scattered family and friends from accross the country. Not here, though. Just cold. And the lovely reprieve of sunshine. My soul hungers for sunshine when the days are so short...when life has changed so much in the past week.
Today there is so much to do. A list that couldn't possibly be done in one day. And there just aren't any more days to do them during the week now. A life filled with driving and working is a life that falls apart, slowly and definitively. But as easy as it would be to find fault with this new situation, it'd be much easier in the long run to just softly yield and accept. Laundry will pile up. We will go without clean underwear. Dishes will continually be dirty and there will forever be dirt and cat hair on the floor. No more leisurely baking...no more elaborate dinners. Inspiration and creativity will fall sadly by the wayside as I am consumed with the need to do better and then even better at work so I will have a shot at working again next year, this time. Life in the fast lane for about 5 months. And that's it. It will be so. And because of it, our cars will have all the shiny, new parts they need to run. We will be able to buy food again, not on borrowed money. And finally, debt will start to disappear. There's still some things that my new, big paycheck won't touch... like my house that still needs a new owner and the mountains of student loan debt. But the others...they will be tackled and brought down. Hard and fast. And in the future...these measly five months of pretending to be someone else will have faded into the dimness of memory and I'll barely remember the difficulties of it. I'll only know that because I did it, everything got easier from there on out.
ways of saying goodbye
10 hours ago