31 May 2010

Failed Attempts Result In New Beginnings

Well, for whatever reason, this blog along with the 2 others just didn't blossom in the way I envisioned them.  It's certainly due to my lack of writing and blog reading but I why I didn't do either of those, I can't really say.  I suppose I felt too boxed in...limited to writing only about certain things, meant for certain people.  While it was all probably just in my head, I suppose I needed a failure of that sort to push me towards a more complete picture of what I wanted.

So I'm abandoning ship!  And rebuilding with my whole, entirety in mind.  I can't be just a girl who likes to stay home and sew and bake and make and grow.  I can't be just an edgy visionary who occasionally spurts deep thoughts that no one else gets.  And I can't just show you my favorite pics or tell you about all my latest projects which would be totally boring.

Everything revolves around love.  The yearning for it, the noticing of it, the feeling of it, and the blossoming of it.  It has become the rosy light that drenches all I see so "Love Stirred Their Hearts..." is now where it's at.  I'm sure you'll find all manner of photographs, thoughts, and links there eventually.  I want to leave blame and judging and complaining and needing and bitterness in the dust.  I want to embrace the bright and shiny future.  So here I go...

02 April 2010

Home sick

I try to avoid getting sick on Fridays or Mondays, lest I appear to be a faker or a slacker for the sake of the epic "3 Day Weekend".  But there's no denying that yesterday's sickness hit me hard and I would have only been miserable driving around for work today with the windows down.  (No a/c and it's hot...wind up the nose with a sinus infection is painful.)  So here I am...getting a lovely taste of my life 2 weeks from now when my employment will be over.  Well, with one difference...this nasty cold.  That better not be around 2 weeks from now.

So this morning I sat in the sun and drank tea and read Memoirs of a Geisha that I picked up at last weekend's clothing swap.  I'm going to make myself some chicken soup and take a nap on my hammock later in the sunshine...hopefully catching lots of healing rays of sunshine.

I've been kept from my real life for so long now, it seems, that I'm dreaming up way too many things for myself to do once I have my time and my life back.  Make aprons and soap and aftershave and lemon verbena cologne and bookmarks and bread and cheese and yogurt and plant about 1800 vegetables in the garden and about 2000 kinds of flowers and go morel hunting and make jam from foraged flowers and grow hops for beer and so on and so forth.  It goes on...and on....and on.  I think this will maybe not be so good for me.   I think I should probably relax a little.  But the world demands action!  Things with my rental house are going on that I have to deal with...things with my soap-making business...and I want to sell at farmers markets.  I must take action to accomplish things.  But how many things can I accomplish and at what cost?  This kind of crazy life is contrary to my values so what slips by, slips by.  And c'est la vie.  Those things were never meant to be stressful anyway.  I want to savor my life like a good meal or a warm spring day. 

Speaking of which...


Oh...and speaking of sniffle...my Mom and Step-Dad finally left on Tuesday.  : (  They're off to their little house in south Dakota for good.  We're dog-sitting Cinnamon until next Thursday when my Step-Dad will be back to pick her up along with the last load of their stuff.  I don't know how or when but I will be braving the prairie to go see them this summer.  And hopefully see some of the Little House On The Prairie landmarks and houses along with Deadwood.

I miss my Mom.

25 March 2010

Countdown To Sunny Mornings In The Garden

Exactly 21 days from today I will once again be free to live real life.  No more dressing up in stiff suits and painful heels, day in and day out.  For 5 months I will wear blue jeans and t-shirts...ballet slippers and flip flops.  I will wake up and leisurely sip tea in the sunshine on the back porch.  I will make my own bread again.  I will fall asleep in the hammock whenever I want.  I will finally clean my refrigerator for the first time since I started working in December and I will stretch myself into yoga positions I haven't done in four months.  I'll wander around in the woods, hunting morels and picking forest violets for jelly.  And my family will finally start eating dinner before 9 o'clock every night.  I'll catch up with friends and family I haven't had time to speak to and I'll spend every Saturday selling at the Farmers Market and meeting cool people.  I'll be a sewing fool and make more pretty aprons than I know what to do with.  I'll make a new soap each week.S  And maybe just maybe, Brendan and I will have time to post something on our food blog.  :  )  I can't wait.

07 March 2010

Mr. Blue Sky

Several good things have been going on this weekend.  First, this....

We made some serious changes upstairs and switched the office to the studio and the studio to the office.  I was sick and tired of being crammed into that little back room.  Now I have space to work!  I also cleaned out 3 years worth of paperwork from the filing cabinets and decided I don't want to look at filing cabinets anymore.  I put them attic.  Sure, I'll have to do my filing in the attic, but who cares.  I can't stand to look at them.  They represent general pain-in-the-ass-ery to me.  Stress, money, mortgages, bills, debts, etc.  Who needs it?

Also, my Mom and Step-Dad returned from a trip to New Jersey bearing gifts.  Real New Jersey bagels.  And goodies from the Jewish bakery, the likes of which are nowhere to be found anywhere in central Ohio.  And since Mom is packing up and heading out to South Dakota to live in her very first paid-for-debt-free house (which happens to be 680 sq. ft.)  she also let me adopt about 6 of her house plants.

After returning her dog...Cinnamon Bun whom we occasionally dog-sit while they're out of town...we returned home with all our goodies and I headed outside with the cats to take advantage of this warm sunlight we're getting that's finally melting the snow cover.  I found the Hardy Amaryllis coming up.

Some tulips

The irises

And then I found a few things still alive in the garden.  The strawberry patch is doing well...

And last year's parsley seems like it might actually come back this year.  It seems to have been the winter home of about 8000 spiders because they were everywhere, sunning themselves.

I also found the chard looking hopeful

And some forgotten scallions.

It looks like we also have some field sow thistle in bloom

And some unwanted visitors.

The hostas and the peonies will be popping up soon...about 3 or 4 more weeks.

As I was enjoying that sweet, long-lost feeling of the sun warming my back, I listened to all the birds singing and pondered for the first time, the transformation that occurs in my mind when I start to hear the spring songs of birds.  My mind is more hopeful...serene.  Engaged.  Less worrisome.  Those cold, silent winter days have their own feeling...their own vibe that feels like drawing in and being still.

It seems to me at times, that the whole world lives and dies just for our sake...our love and our growth.  It feels like the meaning of life to me in the most incomprehensible and incredibly ineffable of ways.  It's a knowledge that happens on the level of the heart...not the intellect.  And it's like being in love...if you're not sure, you think you might be but if you really are, you know it with every fiber of your being.

And already...I know this year will be better than last.  My garden will be even lusher, my wisdom will blossom.  I'll find new connections, new money, new joy.  The older things...the worries about selling the house, the worries about money...they'll just phase out.  It's time for more and better and finally and abundance, all lumped together with peacefulness.

And now...I'm going to thumb through my many garden catalogs and start ordering all the supplies.  We're getting one of those composters that turns this year.  We have plans for chickens eventually so that's part of the plan to deal with the manure.  We're doing corn this year, and cucumbers, lettuce, jerusalem artichokes, celery, beets, kale, radishes, peppers, and of course tomatoes.  Maybe green beans and hopefully a spaghetti squash if I can figure out where!  I also have an avocado tree shooting up indoors.  I'm trying to decide on what kind of fruit tree to plant in the front yard.  Cherry?  Quince?  Maybe elderberry?

03 March 2010

Today's Favorite

I have too many photos that I love just cluttering up my hard drive, being seen by no one.  I should start sharing.

02 March 2010

As my poetic heart struggles under the weight of job distraction...

It's time to let go of notions of poor

And it's time to let go of these ghosts.

The Mourning Dove calls -

It's time to let them die,

And let go of winter in one

     last, long sigh...

01 March 2010

And to think...

Just want to share my "Note From The Universe" that I found in my inbox this morning...

Talk about magical rendezvous, Laura...

Right this very moment, on a distant farm, there basks a fig, a nut, or a berry, whose very life force will soon be your own. But that's not all...

Right this very moment, there's a gorgeous home on a splendid property with a spectacular view, whose roof will someday give you shelter. But that's not all...

Right this very moment, there are beautiful souls on your beautiful planet, whom you do not even know, yet through your meanderings and theirs, paths will cross, love will be shared, and eternal friendships will be created. I'm still not done...

And nothing you do, or don't do, can prevent these serendipities I've just shared, and so, so many more.
Amen, hallelujah, rock me Amadeus -
    The Universe